Hey oldest son of mine, you've got a birthday coming up soon as you blaze your way through your mid-thirties! Come join me for lunch at noon on that day at the Lost Dog and you can tell me all about what you've been up to for the last 15 years, beyond changing your name on your 18th birthday, barely making it out of your magnet nationally esteemed public high school with a third-tier showing-you-the-door state diploma (not a TJ diploma), eschewing going to college which I would have provided full payment for in-state tuition and fees for, being an office boy at the divorce law firm you hired to baselessly and incompetently sue me (for which your mother was assessed almost $50,000 in costs and sanctions years later when the unjustified harassment petition got tossed out), launching a Go-Fund-Me campaign which collected its full allotment of money but accomplished nothing else of note, and engaging in gambling both on the internet and in Vegas. I can't wait to hear about all the other stuff you've been up to. I'll see you there then!
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